“The world is no friend to grace.” — Eugene Peterson
I felt a slight tug of panic as I realized my dress and tank top were nowhere to be found. I had not unpacked them. I hadn’t seen them since I changed clothes in the bathroom at Press Café Saturday evening, right before the rehearsal dinner. On that piping hot Fort Worth summer evening, I had been lugging Tupperware boxes filled with vases and flowers up a flight of stairs for the dinner setup. As the guests arrived, I ran into the women’s bathroom to change and hung my dress and tank top on the wall by the bathroom stall.
I hadn’t thought about it again until this morning, two days later. I berated myself a few times because it’s one of my favorite dresses. It was a gift from a friend, a rather expensive little casual sundress. The perfect throw-on for a hot day. How could I have just run off and left it hanging on the bathroom stall? Now it would require a phone call… but it was likely not even turned in (it was a cute dress!!)… does Press Cafe even keep up with items left behind… and would the person on the phone really care about my forgotten clothes? I should probably just stop by and ask in person. My mind raced with all of these thoughts as I prepared to leave the house for an appointment.
I threw up a quick prayer – Lord, please help me find that dress and give me a restful heart in the process.
And then, pause.
I looked in the mirror as I was finishing up with mascara, and thought, I would hate to lose that dress, but if I did, I kind of earned it.
It had been a crazy full weekend. We were spinning lots of plates with lots of people, and it was an absolute delight celebrating Sarah and Daniel’s wedding. It felt like a family wedding. If I did run out absent-minded, leaving my clothes hanging in a public bathroom, it was worth losing. A small price to pay for a lovely, memorable weekend.
Like my Odwalla water bottle that I left on a train in Switzerland a couple of weeks ago. I think we took 128 trains in the course of two weeks. On the second day of our trip, I left my (newish! darling dark berry color) $30 water bottle in my seat. When I realized it later that evening, I was hit by the same hot accusations as with the dress.
How does shame so quickly (and cleverly) attack? I’m 53 years old, for goodness’ sake. You’d think I’d be past this.
In the last two months, I have witnessed malnourished babies rescued from an impoverished homestead in the middle of nowhere, Tanzania. I’ve toured San Miguel rehearsal dinner venues (with really fun people!) whose beauty and creativity took my breath away. I giggled at one of my best friend’s tears of astonishment as our train curved into Switzerland’s Lauterbrunnen Valley. Beyond that, I’ve celebrated a few glorious weddings and grieved through a heartbreaking 19-year-old’s funeral. Surely all of these things would usher in perspective. But it’s often the big events in life that demand processing. The minuscule – losing a dress or water bottle – still attacks with immediate shame.
Back to the mascara pause….
I jumped in my car to run to my appointment, and low and behold, there sat my dress and tank top in the front seat.
Thanksgiving abounded. The saved energy of phone calls and an added errand, and on top of that, I got my dress back! But then I prayed, Lord, let me walk in your peace regardless. If the dress hadn’t shown up, give me your peace that I don’t have to carry any shame of irresponsibility or forgetfulness.
The Eugene Peterson quote above – “The world is no friend to grace.” Nor are our hearts. We must be trained again and again that His grace is sufficient. His grace covers ALL – our gigantic mess-ups along with minuscule ones. Jesus desires us to walk in freedom, not in bondage, the whole point of his sacrifice.
Thank you, Lord Jesus, for your peace that is ours for the taking. That as far as the east is from the west, so far you have removed our transgressions from us. Help us be the boss of our thoughts and walk in your daily, comforting grace.
**photo above – Lake Brienz, Switzerland, where it’s really easy to experience God’s grace
