Even if they’re grown, it’s not too late.
No one ever outgrows the need for a parent’s encouragement or affirmation.
On the phone with my dad for a few minutes this morning, I remarked on the learning curve that comes with working four days a week, that spending time with people on walks and over coffee has gone to the wayside. And while I feel confident that this job was the right move for right now, it\’s a whole new balancing act. My dad’s quick response came, “Ton, you do a really good job with that.”
I can hardly recall a conversation with my dad during my adult years without that phrase. And I think he really believes it. This morning as his words filtered through the phone and into my brain, that burden pressing on my shoulders, the shame trying to kick in, lifted a little.
I’m hearing his voice again now, hours later, after a quick walk to reset my mind a bit and face the next set of tasks and responsibilities.
“Ton, you do a really good job with that.”
I’m sure he said that to me growing up. I actually don’t remember exactly. I have always felt dad’s approval. I have never carried a burden of wondering what he’ll think about me or my friends. And like most everyone, I had both solid and a few derelict friends through high school. But I always felt dad’s trust and acceptance, and he and my mom both seemed to especially lean into those kids who may have needed an extra bit of attention and kindness.
We are about to close another era with another child leaving our house next summer. Hudson is already 18 and will soon soar away to a yet-decided upon college campus. So many things to reflect upon and consider during this senior year – does he know his way around the kitchen? Will he ever sleep? Is he prepared academically and socially for being away from home? Is he prepared spiritually to keep his faith? And at the very, very top of the list – perhaps the only question that truly needs to be answered – does he know he is fully loved?
Everything else falls under that.
And I ask the same for my middle schooler, high schooler, and college kiddo, do they know they are fully loved?
What’s so interesting about my dad’s comment to me this morning, is that I needed it at 47 years old.
“Ton, you do a really good job with that.”
I needed it at 19 when in my first year of college I felt lonely and rejected.
I needed it at 22 when Corbin proposed, and Dad approved (was thrilled with) my choice in a husband.
I needed it at 27 when I quit work to stay home and we welcomed our first baby.
I needed it at 33 when our FOURTH baby was born and I already felt overwhelmed with caring for three littles.
I needed it through my late 30s and early 40s with all those teens and tweens in our home.
And I needed to hear it this morning.
There are so many things I don’t do well. I’m still getting to apologize to my kids for my reactions to them. I am asking forgiveness of heart friends. I’m not great at getting dinner on the table consistently, and I’m terrible with keeping our family (and myself) on a budget. And I’ve felt hurt and disappointment and rejection from the waves that life crashes down.
But in all of that, I can hear dad’s voice,
“Ton you do a really good job with that.”
It’s not just during our childhood when we need our parents’ encouragement. As our kids are navigating college and work and singleness, when they’re choosing careers and choosing spouses, when they’re working out their (messy) faith journeys, they need our sincere belief in them. They need to hear that we’re proud of them.
And for those who may not have children, young or grown, a kind word from an older friend or stranger can do wonders in helping someone keep on keeping on. No one outgrows needing encouragement.
Thanks, Dad.
You do a really good job with that.
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| Dad’s 70th a couple of years ago, with 4 grown kiddos and 17 grands all touched by Cappy and Daboo’s consistent encouragement |