This photo from last night took my breath away. Crowded into one of the lower sections of Jordan-Hare Stadium, thousands (a record-setting 2,349, to be exact) of hope-filled, anxiety-filled girls huddled together in the stands for Auburn’s first night of sorority recruitment. What a week. I’m overjoyed to be DONE as a PNM (potential new member) mom. AND, my daughters had a great recruitment experience. AND, they are grateful to have been given the spot in their sorority. AND it helped them find a place to belong at a large SEC university, eleven hours from home.
But whew, for the parents (dads included) watching from afar, it can be a challenge. Even when it ends well, you might go ahead and remove your heart from your chest and get someone to jump around on it a bit to prep.
My compassion for ALL girls (and guys! Fraternity rush is a whole different ballgame, but if you have a son keep reading) going through recruitment across the country is not born of negative personal experiences. Both of my daughters are currently at Auburn, in the same sorority, and I’m grateful they found a spot together on a large college campus. As a senior and sophomore, they both have good friends and roommates in their own and other sororities, as well as girls who are not involved in Greek life. They both had great (and stressful) recruitment experiences. But no matter how things line up for all of these PNMs, whether in-state or out-of-state, whether they arrive on campus knowing a zillion older friends or no older friends, recruitment is WILD.
A few words of encouragement for all the mommas:
1. Stay in the Station. This is a phrase my friend uses for her parenting, and Corbin and I have wholly adopted it. As our kiddos hop on a crazy-train of bursting emotions (good and hard), we do our best to offer friendly waves and big smiles as they pass on by. They are welcome to stop in for ice cream or a hug or rest. But as they head back on that crazy train, we’re emotionally staying put.
2. Stay connected. To your friends, that is, not to your phone. Try not to stay connected to instagram and Life 360. The biggest thing I’ve learned with all four of my kiddos about phones + college is that texts and social media simply don’t provide a complete picture of our child’s happiness. For better or for worse. It is SO EASY to make assumptions with social media and locations. Take what you can with phone calls and texts and facetime, and still remind yourself that this is not a complete picture of your child’s life. I absolutely wore out a couple of friends with all of my words during my kiddos’ freshman years. (While your spouse can be a great resource, it may save your marriage to find a good friend who is willing to hold all of this. You will get to return the favor when their kid goes to college)
3. Stay in God’s Word. Nothing stays constant in our crazy world except God’s Word. Emotions change. Friendships change. Circumstances change. God’s Word never changes. Grab onto a few promises, a few descriptions of God’s character, and put notecards with these verses all over your home, mirrors, and your steering wheel to remind yourself that the Creator of the Universe perfectly crafted your daughter – and you – to His impeccable specifications. If He could do that, isn’t he going to provide and direct her with the same precision and care?
4. Stay in the moment. Taped onto my bathroom mirror is a notecard that says, “Can you just do today?” I’ve had days where I read that and translated it, “Can you just do this hour?” Looking ahead can feel scary and unbearable. But almost always – yes, we can do today. Remind yourself daily to stay in the moment, that God gives just enough grace for this day. This idea is echoed throughout Scripture: Give us this day our daily Bread; The Israelites’ manna for each day; A pillar of cloud by day and fire by night; As your days, so shall your strength be.
5. Stay the course. Even if your daughter experiences an easy, dreamy recruitment (and she really may!), this freshman year of college is no joke. All parents should expect that at some point throughout the year, actually multiple points, our children will hit roadblocks of hurt and rejection. And all the way from home, we can hurt or help. I have failed in my responses many times. I’ve “hurt more than helped,” essentially because the struggle to trust the Lord with my children’s heart and path is tough. Sometimes excruciating. But in the middle of that pain, God keeps providing and caring lavishly for my children – HIS children – and keeps on strengthening my faith muscles to trust him.
I don’t think it’s poor judgment to send our kids across the country to a large university. I don’t think it’s poor judgment to encourage them to go through rush/recruitment. But I do think it’s a mistake to do those things without a dependence on God to provide, comfort, and guide our children in college. In the good and in the hard.
A couple more resources:
Grace Valentine‘s terrific post, “7 Truths for every PNM to read during sorority recruitment” (the photo above was taken from Grace’s post yesterday, where she addressed all of the PNMs going through Auburn recruitment).
And pretty much anything Kari Kampakis writes / posts / shares will serve as encouragement for you and your daughter.
Let us encourage each other to hang in there! Now and in the weeks and months ahead. His Word doesn’t change. He doesn’t change. What a gift that we can trust him.
