Years ago, one of our kiddos surprised us – and I think themself – by making some poor choices as a middle schooler (haha yes, the irony of that statement is not lost on me). But this particular circumstance felt pretty out of character. Corbin and I took our 14-year-old to breakfast, talked (and hopefully listened) through the dynamics, and ended the conversation with, “Ok, unless you ever need to talk about this again, we won’t bring it up.”
Over a year passed, and in a moment of vulnerability this child mentioned the incident and asked if I thought it would mark their reputation, their friendships. I looked across the car from where I sat in the driver’s seat, smiled and said, “What are you even talking about? I remember forgetting that.”
Eyes widened at my response, and then a slow grin emerged.
What followed was a simple but profound conversation about the Lord’s forgiveness. A reminder to both of us that Jesus already paid the price of every sin we’ve committed. We’re not stuck in our past and in our regret.
Do we actually believe Psalm 103?
Praise the Lord, O my soul…
praise the Lord and forget none of his benefits –
who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases,
who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion,
who satisfies your life with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.
The Lord is compassionate and gracious,
slow to anger and abounding in love.
He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever;
He does not treat us as our sins deserve
or repay us according to our iniquities.
For as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his love for those who fear him;
as far as the east is from the west,
so far has he removed our transgressions from us.
As a father has compassion on his children,
so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him.
Let’s read that last line again – as a father has compassion on his children, the Lord has compassion on HIS children.
Guess what – we get to have compassion on our children!
What a gift – what freedom – that blended into the responsibilities of training, teaching and disciplining our children, we get to model the Gospel over and over, no matter how old they get. And honestly, our children are likely not going to receive this kind of freedom from many other people in their lives.
In a recent conversation with one of our young adult children, we discussed how the world’s economy is so very different from God’s economy. While God does forgive, and removes our sin as far as the east is from the west, people typically do not. Instead of “remembering to forget,” we often stab each other with reminders of regret and shame, attempting to posture ourselves over each other – if not outwardly at least inwardly, “Well at least my child did not do that.”
It will often be painful walking through the muck of others’ accusations and responses this side of heaven. But even more reason that we as parents, who love our children more than anyone else on earth, get to exercise this incredible privilege of lavishly loving and reminding them of the Gospel of grace through our responses.
But. We must remind ourselves first.
We must wake up every day, looking in the mirror of our own grace-gift, to be able to instinctively share it with our children.
I mentioned a few of my favorite gospel-teaching resources in a recent post, but I really don’t think we can remind ourselves enough of what Jesus already did for us – that while we were yet sinners, He died, and rose, for you and for me. And a relationship with Him brings freedom, peace, and rest.
With that very grace, we can enjoy parenting with an open hand rather than clenched fists, with an open heart of trusting the Lord’s sovereignty over our own control.
“I remember forgetting that.”
The sentiment is not original to me, I definitely read or heard it somewhere along the way. And the freedom shocked me. Thankfully, the phrase popped in my mind at the right time, and in a similar way it surprised our relieved 14-year-old. May we look for many, many opportunities to remember to forget.
Heavenly Father, thank you for your (daily, hourly!) forgiveness. What power and freedom you offer. Please help us receive your gift, and to love our children with your love, looking for opportunities to mirror your extravagance.
**Thank you to my dear friend Lindsay Key and Becky Haas Watercolors for the painting above ~ such special gift!